I was laying next to my daughter and her lil hands were touching mine. She looks up at me and smiles giving me her angelic look. "mommy why you hands white..why you not brown like me?" She asked...
I explained to her that I had two parents that were white and she had two different skin tone parents.....me-white and her dad-black = Mj's pretty skin tone.
I could see she was still discombobulated.....
So I told her...what color r the stars, moon, sky n the sun? She giggles and says: The moon is white, the sun is lello, sky is black at night and the stars are shiny like my diamond earrings...i told see they are all family but different shades, and they are all beautiful, by day or night rite?
She nods her head repeatedly and says: yeah, you are the moons shade, and I am your shiny diamond star cuz when you look at me..your eyes are all shiny cuz I make them sparkle.....I felt my eyes fill with happy tears...
My daughter felt something from me that my own bio parents never ever felt for me....She knows love and I gave her that all by myself...that was the most wonderful gift i've ever had in my life!
Yes MJ..you are mommy's diamond star...and you make my eyes sparkle! I love my daughter with all my heart!

Unable to sleep last night...i was up with Mj at 7 am im trying to b strong....im trying to be d kind of mom that everyone expects me to be.

It hurts to breathe...hurts worse to cough...it feels like pins n needles..poking me all over my chest n back....i feel so tired....i detest that tired feeling. .been doing a lot...of crying....y does it have to hurt so bad...y wont WW help me..i believe in nature...hope in it and devote myself to it....yet there is mo sign of relief.

I am so grateful my mums juju allows me to live with her n that she watches over MJ when I am having a bad day..or lately...week.

How much worst does it have to get...b4..relief comes my way.

2012!!!!!!

Its a new year, new beginnings....hopefully...i will become better individual.

I was griping n complainin about my home situation...then I got a slap on d face that brought me back to reality. Just what I needed to cure the "poor me" pityparty I was throwing.
Valuble lessons that I was not inculcated into my heart as a child myself....but better late then never. So, yeah I get it n am going to start making changes in my life...for the better.
i dont have a lot of confidence in myself....so I cross my fingers n hope I become more responsible n a better individual. Cheers!

Wow.. Its still here...like a whisper in d nite...hovering shadowsdancers...gently tapping upon sacred ground..i find comfort in the shadows...a ghost town like many moons ago.
Once again lost n discombobulated, and the only place to call home is in a dark cave...tho I walk alone again...i am surrounded by the protection of the moon.